14 December 99
Halfway through Ally McBeal, I lost access to the tv that wasn’t mine because the Jaguars game was on. So after a minute, I decided to sit out on the stairwell and watch the rain and think. I thought about football and why guys like to watch it. I don’t mean just UF football or whatever team. I mean watching just about every game no matter who competes. (Hey, LeRoy! The Siberia/Peru pre-season ameteur scrimmage is on in ten minutes! Where’s the chips?) I thought the appeal is somewhere between watching acceptable violence and knowing more about the sport than everybody else. I thought perhaps watching a game gives guys a collective subject to talk about so the conversation doesn’t grind to a halt, leading to somebody turning on Win Ben Stein’s Money or Univision. Anyway, I found it’s fun to sit on the stairs and look at the rain, close my eyes, feel the wind, hear the drainpipes, and keep track of how many people ask me what’s wrong - more fun than watching football and having to ask what a cornerback is.
Something else I thought about while on the steps: I am now twenty years old. In that time I have decided to be happy and have done nothing to work towards that goal beyond maybe work out my thoughts in text. But since happiness for me depends on having someone to live for, I can’t see that I can do anything to get there. For that matter, I could’ve found that person years ago without knowing it. Maybe I’m four years too late. Maybe I’m jumping the gun by forty years. It kinda sucks that I have a goal of happiness, but all I can do is hope that it just happens some day. I blew my chance with an almost perfect girl in high school by doing nothing. Now, years later, I think I’m faced with just about the same problem. I’m tempted to write more here about the current thoughts in my head, but if there were any more gossip where I spend all my time, everybody would have to be sitting in those giant beehive hair dryer chairs reading People magazine.
And now, a joke:
A man was walking down the street and he fell over. - Randy
[Standard disclaimer applies - I wrote this stuff at 1:30 AM. If I wrote something bad, please ask me about it before throwing furniture.]