I finally got around to setting up phatplaya.com to the point where it’s usable. It’s meant to be a slashdot-like discussion site for the denialofpurpose gang. Feel free to screw around and post any sort of articles. At this point, I’ll approve just about anything. Yes, there’s still work to be done, but it’s a good start.
Of course, any constructive criticism is welcome. Just don’t make me cry like a little baby.
Dave’s homework: Repost an old post.
I went back and re-read some of my older posts. Unfortunately, I read some of the more depressing ones, so I decided to repost the zaniest/happiest one I could quickly find.
So here it is.
March 31, 1999 - 23:14 pm
i had a coffee-related drink for the first time today it was a mocha latté it has chocolate and whipped cream and milk and espresso in it and i have never had coffee before and it makes me feel good i think it is because the chocolate is addictive and now i think i will play a game or program something or maybe i will run back to maude’s café and buy some more coffee i know i can because i think i remember where it is and i have enough money for six or seven triple mocha lattés they taste better when they aren’t really really hot and i put sugar in mine
I have an idea for a new game show. It’d be called “This is just retarded.”
The show would involve players that thought they were on some other show. They would be subjected some various unusual ‘challenges’. First, people would offer them Triscuit crackers until they caved in and accepted. Then, a panel of experts would grade them on who would be better at standing still for three-second intervals. The contestants would go through meaningless effort like this until one of them quits due to the pointless nature of the program.
If the quitting involved the phrase “This is just retarded,” they win a prize.
‘About A Song’
I am a slave to the bandwagon. Not always, but right now I choose to be.
I’m not the kind of person who has a favorite song, favorite color, favorite movie, favorite actress, favorite cereal. I’m the kind of person who tries to expose himself to as many songs, colors, movies, actressses, and cereals. (About now you could point out the fact that I said I expose myself to actresses. Well, insults are a plenty right there.) I compile informal lists of my favorite 10 to 50 songs or movies, whatever.
My ‘Favorite Songs’ mental database has all sorts of random music in it, for various reasons. Tom’s Diner. Stairway to Heaven. Livin’ in the Fridge. Shaving Cream. Jingle Bells. Alcohol. etc., etc.
I suppose I’ll write about my single favorite. I should qualify this from being any sort of permanent favorite song. Hmm…
“my favorite song*”
Right. Disclaimers apply, favorite song may change in the next twenty seconds, or the next month. My current favorite song is Trout Fishing in America’s “All I Want.” It became my favorite song once again for the second time earlier today. (First time was when I discovered the song, then soon learned the song’s power — pay attention boys, knowing this song is an easy way to make girls/chicks/women happy.)
“All I Want” is a silly tongue-twister song about coffee and the “I” who wants that coffee in a very specific way. There is no deep message in the song, no politics or sexual innuendo. It’s no Hot Chocolate’s “You Sexy Thing.” It’s a children’s song, primarily meant for six year-olds and the parents who buy them Trout Fishing tickets, CD’s, and videos. It’s about as random and meaningless as the Baby who could power-squat a six-pack of beer on Conan. This is where the magic in the song is.
Consider this situation:
Girl in bad mood.
Guy who has met girl before enters room.
Girl acts grumpy.
Guy says something retarded.
Girl acts grumpy and acknowledges guy is retarded.
Guy tries to remember the words to song, meanwhile saying something like “So, uh.. I hear clouds are round.”
Girl acts grumpy, remembering acknowledgement has been done and isn’t necessary a second time.
Guy offers to teach girl a song.
Girl acts grumpy, mildly curious.
Guy sings retarded Trout Fishing song.
Girl thinks guy is seriously off the deep end.
Guy sings song again with a French accent.
Girl starts forgetting she’s grumpy.
Guy tries to get girl to learn the song.
Girl learns the song and promptly forgets it.
Guy says something retarded.
Girl also forgets why she is grumpy.
Girl thinks about “Poffer toffee cots.”
So, for the moment, “All I Want” is my favorite song because I was reminded today that quite a while ago, I served my purpose as the retarded guy who made a girl un-depressed.
I am a social humor robot.
(15:55:47) Boltmeter: yo
(15:55:48) smarterchild: This is SmarterChild, built by ActiveBuddy, Inc.
Hi once again, Boltmeter!
Type “home” to see everything I can do.
>>> Set your location by typing “my location is” followed by your city and state or your zip code.
(15:55:58) Boltmeter: wazzzzaaaap?
(15:55:59) smarterchild: Sorry, what?
(15:56:02) Boltmeter: wazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?
(15:56:03) smarterchild: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Try typing your request a different way.
(15:56:12) Boltmeter: wa zap
(15:56:13) smarterchild: What would you like to know about Zap, ND?
1 Movies in Zap, ND
2 Theaters in Zap, ND
3 Weather in Zap, ND
4 News about Zap, ND
5 Time in Zap, ND
“If you have dogs, you have poop.” This and other useful information can be found at the dog poop composting help center located here.
I’m glad I have the Internet to tell me these things.
Dance Dance Revolution is like crack. It’s approaching 24 hours since I played the game, and it’s all I want to do. I want the crappy music. I want the endless series of arrows to instruct me. And I want - no, need - a silly computer algorithm to tell me I’m doing it all wrong.