26 May 02
I think it’s cruelty to animals to force dogs to live in their own filth. Is the same true for turtles? Do turtles have a sense of smell?
Our house officially smells like someone took a dump on or near the turtle tank. The only thing this reminds me of is the time I walked within a hundred feet the twenty or thirty port-a-pottys at some random sporting event or county fair, days after their initial installation and use after several dozen hours of baking in the near-desert heat. (I think the smell damaged my ability to create new long-term memories a la Memento.) I propose a change to the age-old tale of the Tortoise and the Hare. In this new version, the Tortoise will not win due to the pride are carelessness of his competitor. Instead the Tortoise will win due to the Hare’s inability to withstand the world-record stank which inexplicably seeps forth from the Tortoise into all nearby forms of matter.
Every time I inhale, I am reminded that it was a mistake to do so.