i’ve stopped counting

Note, this is just something I thought of while doing my usual routine of work, tv, ddr, sleep, repeat. It’s not meant to be terribly depressing. Besides, I have fifty-nine years to do something about it.

Spoiler alert, hypothetical.

… was found in his home last week at the enviable age of eighty-three. The body was discovered by the lawn guy, who came by to investigate the unexpected end to sixty years of day-late monthly lawn service checks. The coroner was excited to see the effects of massive long-term caffeine addiction: Years of over-consumption and gradual increases in Dance Dance ability lead to an unfortunate demise as the calcium-deprived bones could no longer support the perennial 200-pound frame, and during a dual-pad triple-back-handspring, each leg broke in four places, leaving the deceased in an unfortunate state, roughly 2 arms’ length from a glass of Pepsi and half a loaf of wheat bread. He leaves behind no family or close friends. The wake is scheduled next monday through friday, 10am to 7pm, but is expected to be sparsely attended due to a scheduling conflict.

Man, I can’t wait for May 12.

I just got a Gameboy SP with two games I heard were good. I didn’t know anything about those games, nor did I do any significant research. I got Advance Wars 2 and Fire Emblem. Same game, different art. The games are turn based RPG-ish games. Lucky for me, I tend to beat RPG games to death, usually for around 80 hours more than necessary. So it’s not bad that I got two of the same game with different titles. This time, when I’m overplaying the game, the second half of it will have new characters and music. Woot.

Hmm.. scratch that, I can’t wait for May 13 through May 15.

I could watch a movie based on this clip. It could be two hours long with shallow characters with different colored bikes, different colored vans, whatever. I would watch it in theatres, buy the DVD, buy the soundtrack, then watch it every time it came on tv. Make said movie and I will construct a shrine in your honor. I will wear a t-shirt advertising your masterwork and I will affix the matching bumpersticker to my car. Then I will drive my car backwards through areas overflowing with pedestrians so more people read my awesome bumpersticker.

My mistake, it was American Movie Classics, not Turner Classic Movies.

Glam will return.

Episode 3-14, ‘My Screw Up’, of Scrubs is amazing. I don’t think I want to watch another episode lest I destroy the unexplainable aftertaste left by that episode. If you have some way of watching that episode, through legal means or otherwise, I give you permission to stop reading this and go get it. [Arnold voice] Do it now.

I don’t wish I was taller or a baller. I wish I had patience. And new skylights.

i’m still typing

Army of Darkness is being shown on Turner Classic Movies tonight.
This is important. This means something.

Why would anybody care about someone dating Fabio? I can’t understand that.

Wiki is a funny word. Wwwwwiki. Wiki. Wiki wiki wiki wikiwikiwikiwiki.

I started a new diet. Gatorade, Eggo Waffles, Graham Crackers, Peanut Butter, and soup.
This diet was further reduced to Eggo Waffles, Peanut Butter, and soup this evening.
One day I will need food and my diet will end as I return home with groceries.

I’m not so sure I like these random quip posts, but they at least lead to more people reading the whole thing.

Three reality tv shows in a row, and the chicks always pick the wrong guy. Is that a coincidence? Should I be surprised when the brain-dead uncaring guy invariably is picked because the girl ‘follows her heart’ even though she knows in advance it’s the wrong decision? Maybe there’s something to figure out regarding ‘following one’s heart’.

Citing my vast knowledge of the subject of relationships which I have obtained through thinking about girls while playing Tetris Attack and watching overproduced reality shows on Fox, I consider myself an expert on relationships.

There are often times when someone has to choose between following their heart and following their pants. Also, there are times when that same person chooses between following their brain and following their heart. I submit that the two categories of decision may actually be the same.

mind : heart :: heart : pants

In other words, ‘follow your heart’ may only be valid advice when used in a situation where the alternative is a ‘follow your pants’ sort of thing. But then this only really makes sense if the “mind : heart” thing also fits the situation.

To clarify,
“In the presence of two options A and B, given that the mind desires option A and the heart desires option B, further analysis may reveal that the heart desires option A if the pants desire option B. If that is the case, ‘Follow your heart’ is right out. Otherwise, follow your pants, i mean heart.”

In all seriousness, I think I have the perfect way to make these decisions. Any decisions. Flip a coin. If it winds up heads, choose option A. If it winds up tails, choose option B. When the coin is in flight, you’ll hope for one option or the other. Once that happens, simply fail to catch the coin.

I should write this down somewhere.

For some reason, I can’t tell the difference between Dolph Lundgren and Viggo Mortensen. Creepy.