30 March 04
Note, this is just something I thought of while doing my usual routine of work, tv, ddr, sleep, repeat. It’s not meant to be terribly depressing. Besides, I have fifty-nine years to do something about it.
Spoiler alert, hypothetical.
… was found in his home last week at the enviable age of eighty-three. The body was discovered by the lawn guy, who came by to investigate the unexpected end to sixty years of day-late monthly lawn service checks. The coroner was excited to see the effects of massive long-term caffeine addiction: Years of over-consumption and gradual increases in Dance Dance ability lead to an unfortunate demise as the calcium-deprived bones could no longer support the perennial 200-pound frame, and during a dual-pad triple-back-handspring, each leg broke in four places, leaving the deceased in an unfortunate state, roughly 2 arms’ length from a glass of Pepsi and half a loaf of wheat bread. He leaves behind no family or close friends. The wake is scheduled next monday through friday, 10am to 7pm, but is expected to be sparsely attended due to a scheduling conflict.